Great Expectation (part 2)

since 16 yo, i never ask anyone else to understand me. i never ask them to please me with their opinions or point of view. never.


if they give me arguments, i would consider it as an open discussion.
and if it ends-up with difference, i never ask them to agree with whatever ideas i have.


i just want them to understand this one thing. that my happiness is nowhere but my heart. that happiness depends on me. people cant force my happiness.


so, please. let me decide what's best for me. stop telling me what to do. let me mess-up my own life.


Because no one else cares what matters for me. no one else understands how it is to be me. surely, they have no idea what happiness would be like, for me.


so, only this one thing. and just a reminder, im 32.



jakarta, Sept 5

When A 5 y.o Talks About Easter

One of the students ran over me and showed his artwork.
"Ms. Linda! Look what I made!"
(I read it slowly) "H..a..p..p..y E..a..s..t..e..r. Wow..this card looks so colourful. But what's Easter?"
The boy answered with his gorgeous smile, "That's when the bunnies give you the chocolate eggs!"
I cannot believe my ears. "Chocolate eggs? Really?"
He laughed and showed his white shiny teeth. "But that's not for real! That's just a tale."
"Oh, dear...,"with my upset face.
"But Easter is when...mmm...when you eat the eggs as many as possible!" He still tried to answer my question. Nice try.
"I see."
"Ok. Bye!"
"Bye..thank you for showing me your Easter Card."
Then, he went away.

Sekarang atau 30 Tahun Lagi...

Abi (2y 11m), mengambil kacamataku yg tergeletak di atas kasur, dan berkata, "Mami, Abi mau pakein mami kacamatanya... biar mami bisa baca."
" Hati2 Abi, nanti kalo patah bisa kena tangan Abi."
"Ahh, tapi Abi mau pakein..."

Lalu, dia memakaikan kacamata tsb. Kurang sempurna letaknya, tp dia tampak puas. "Nah kan.. Abi bisa..."

Aku cuma bisa tersenyum sambil mengucapkan terima kasih. Akankah kau melakukan hal yang sama, Bi.... 30 tahun dari sekarang?

I love you, Son...
-mami-

"Good Bye, Mom!"

Lalu, dia memelukku, mencium, dan berlalu.

Aku coba untuk mengendalikan emosi. "Don't cry! Hold your tears! This is what you want, isn't it? His readiness to school..." gumam saya dalam hati.

Setelah 3 hari penuh 'drama' sebelum berangkat sekolah, si kecil saat ini jauh lebih siap. Hari ini, 14 Januari 2011, masih dengan sedikit 'battle' di pagi hari, namun semua berubah ketika ia sudah berseragam dan bersepatu. Ia menyandang tas ransel kecilnya dan pamit dengan segera. This fast? Ah.

Jadi, beginilah rasanya. Kinda mixed-up feeling when he said his first good-bye for school. So proud of you, Son!


XOXO,
Mom